Rethinking New Years Resolutions
The time of year has come that has folks feeling pressured to make New Years resolutions, which allegedly create long term, meaningful change in our lives! I imagine that most people have the experience of setting a resolution around this time of year and having it not exactly work out. Wanting to make change and not having it work can almost make you feel even worse than you would have if you had not tried to make any changes at all. The goal of this post is to offer you a few reframes around New Years resolutions and how to create sustainable change for yourself.
Think Small
There is a tendency for New Years resolutions to be expansive and all encompassing, such as “I’m going to work out everyday”. While some may feel that this goals seem reasonable, setting yourself up to abide by something that is so absolute and final almost never works out. Let’s be real, life happens and we cannot always predict how well we can upkeep a narrow edict everyday. Here are some tips to reframe your goal as something smaller:
Instead of deciding that you need to do an activity everyday, set up a reasonable expectation. For example, instead of exercising everyday, can you make it a goal to workout 3-4 times a week? Remember that sustaining something is better than trying to go over the top, ultimately failing, feeling badly about yourself, and then not exercising because you “broke” your resolution.
If you feel sure that you need to do something everyday in order for it to catch on, can you consider setting the goal for just a month and then allowing yourself time to reflect and adjust it to fit your life? We may be able to exercise everyday in January because frankly, there is often not a lot to do in the winter. However as the seasons change, it can be more difficult to keep that routine up. Give yourself the opportunity to re-set your goal on a monthly basis, being realistic about what your needs and abilities will be for the month ahead.
Reframe the goal to make it more about self exploration than strict rules. Maybe you’ve tried to get into exercising before but have found it to be boring, difficult, not entertaining etc.. essentially you haven’t found your thing. A better goal for your lifelong health would probably be “try a new fitness class/routine/machine at the gym once per week”. Maybe you’ll actually find something that you can sustainably enjoy doing!
Reflect on the Origins of Your Goal
The outward goal of this post is not to take on fatphobia and the predatory diet industry, but let’s face it, the marketing around exercise and dieting around the New Year is pervasive and overwhelming. I believe that in order for goals to be successful, they have to be something that we actually want to do, not something we feel pressured into doing. In my time as a clinician, I have seen almost no examples of folks making sustainable change for themselves due to feelings of shame and inadequacy. Before you set a goal (around anything) take time to reflect on the origins of the goal.
Are you making this goal because it is the same goal that others in your life (friends, family, co-workers) have? Just because others have decided something is their goal, it does not mean that it needs to be yours. Assess how much peer pressure you are feeling about this goal, is is something that you “must” do in order to fit in? If so, this is likely not a great goal for you at this time.
Goals that amount to changing the aesthetic of our bodies in some capacity can almost always be rooted in fatphobia, white supremacy, and capitalism. If a part of your goal involves signing up for an expensive meal, coaching, or exercise plan, there is a good chance that niche marketing has appealed to you and that you have internalized these narratives, dictating that you must change in order to fit an ideal. If you can, try to reject these advances (I know, it is hard).
Brainstorm with yourself around goals that have nothing to do with productivity and instead lean more towards restoration and creativity. Unfortunately our society has a tendency to link all goals around being more productive in a way that benefits our social structures and does not actually enrich the individual. Consider setting a goal around exploring a creative or adventurous pursuit instead of something that helps with your personal productivity or requires extensive metrics tracking.
Think SMART
Once you have decided on a kind and helpful goal for yourself, it can always benefit to check that the goal meets the standards of a SMART goal. This type of goal setting is used in workplaces, addiction recovery, and by many therapists to help client makes sure that they can create a goal that they can actually achieve. Run down this list to make sure that your goal fits these parameters - if it does not, tweak your goal so that it can better meet your needs and abilities at this time. Remember that you are setting a goal for your current self, not the imaginary self that has already achieved the goal.
Specific - this is where think small comes in - set a goal that is very specific so that you know what it is you are trying to achieve. The goal here is not to be broad, but honest and specific about what it is that you want to do. If ultimately you have larger, broader goals, remember that you need to start somewhere small and specific to get there.
Measurable - in order to know if we are on track with our goal, we have to be able to measure what we are doing. I suggest keeping this as low-key/analog as possible. Setting up complicated tracking systems can make it less likely that you will measure what you are doing. This can be as simple as putting a spot in your planner to check off if you did the thing you are trying to track. If length of time of the activity is important to you, measure that too.
Attainable- set a goal that you can actually achieve! While the goal should have some sense of challenge, it does not have to be hugely challenging. Aim for something less challenging initially so that you can actually get experience making some change. This will make it easier to aim for more difficult goals in the future. Remember that if you want to succeed in your goal it must be attainable now, not as the idealized future self.
Relevant - make sure that the goal is relevant to your larger goals/overall lifestyle. Check in that the goal is aligned to your values as a whole person and is relevant to what you already have going on in your life. If the goal is not feeling relevant, there is probably a smaller goal that you can make instead that could eventually link you to the goal that may feel irrelevant now.
Time Sensitive - this is key! Instead of setting a “resolution” that is supposed to last for an undetermined amount of time (forever?), set reasonable time frames for yourself. After the time frame, reflect on what happened and set your next goal. Maybe next time you can challenge yourself a big more, but for now, set up a short term goal that you can be sure to actually see to completion.
I hope these reframes were helpful! As you are feeling inundated with pressure to set goals, remember that you are allowed to make change at any point in your life and use the above framework to assist you in this process.
